i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
