I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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