a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
