Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
