Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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