It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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