Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
