She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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