Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
