At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just high enough for therapy.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
