I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
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So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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