these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It's Friday. Sex?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
