i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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