I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
