youre lurking in front of me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
