found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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