Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
