For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
