That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
