the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
