I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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