I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
