Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
