What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
