You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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