I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
