Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
false alarm, still single
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
