Say something about gay babies.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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