Kiss
Puke
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
