The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
