tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
