So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
