I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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