dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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