Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
