Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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