Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
