i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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