All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Found the puke drawer
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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