she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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