I think my vagina is haunted
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
