Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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