I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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