does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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