at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
