Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It's just like the Real World with babies
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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