and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
handjob tips. give me some.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
