It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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