my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
