could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
