meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
this will be a night to untag.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
