Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
