I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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