Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
