I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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