it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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