Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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