she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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