non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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