Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I want you more than these girls want KFC
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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