youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
