every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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