fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
