i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
