4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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