The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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