My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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