11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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