my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize